Endometriosis and Pregnancy

I've been meaning to check out some forums and see what other endo women have experienced with pregnancy. I finally got it done this morning and I cannot stress to you enough what a wave of relief washed over me. I'm still having problems with spotting and pain. Guess what? Totally normal with preggo endos. So is my hyperventilating, giddiness, and the easing up of a lot of my symptoms as the pregnancy progresses. Reading the words of the actual experiences of these women felt like if there was a voice in my head reading my biography. AMAZING! Finally, I feel understood and not like if I'm going crazy or being too negative or bothering anyone. FINALLY.

Remember when I said I live in a third world country? I've been misdiagnosed and placed on incorrect prescription medication countless times. The best one? I've always had a small frame and was closer to pencil thin, especially when I was younger (before puberty and hormones and constant meds took over). I went to see a doctor when I was 12 about my irregular periods, painful and heavy periods, severe menstrual symptoms, and constant abdominal pain. The nurses took one look at me, pinched my skeletal arms and started a conversation about how girls these days are killing their bodies to look thin. I assured them that I was a hearty eater, and my body was just built the way it was. The doctor had overheard them, however, and after taking one look at me, quickly prescribed meds to help me put on weight, increase my appetite, and suggested that I become sexually active to be placed on birth control pills to regulate my periods. No tests were done, no questions were asked, and I was shooed out the door as quickly as I had come in. I've had similar experiences at nearly every doctor I've ever been to. When I was 17, a doctor in NY told me to take two 800mg of ibuprofen every 4 hours. I was supposed to set alarms throughout the day and night and stay on the painkillers like clockwork. Being sensitive to side effects, I asked her if she was sure the meds wouldn't screw anything up in my body or get me sick. She looked at me and said "either take the pills or don't complain about the pain."

It took until earlier this year, when I was immobilized with pain and hot flashes I could barely stay conscious through and rushed to a health facility by Taurus Man to a private Indian doctor to finally suggest that I either had a cyst or endometriosis. I had two ultrasounds in less than three months (was previously suspected of fibroids as well as an ectopic pregnancy), both clear. The doctor read my scan results as well as the results of my blood tests etc and asked a few more questions before insisting that it was endometriosis. It was hereditary and not something you hear about commonly, so I was hesitant to accept the diagnosis. He suggested that I try to get pregnant as soon as possible as childbirth was commonly known to alleviate symptoms dramatically. To my knowledge, no one in my family had these problems, and as I'd never met anyone with it, I was still hesitant. I had done brief research into reproductive problems in my early teens to try to find an answer on my own, so while I had heard of endo before, I wasn't willing to accept that it was in the cards I was dealt.

Enter internet. There are countless forums for everything you can think of, including women suffering from endometriosis. I didn't want another chronic invisible illness, but as I read women testifying to things I had thought were normal or had forgotten about or had simply accepted as part of my life, my eyes were opened. Tons of things that were NOT normal had happened and were still happening to me, and were all part of an actual problem with an actual name. My family and previous doctors were wrong. It was not in my head. As a person with a high tolerance to pain, I was definitely not being dramatic or making a big deal out of nothing, and by the GODS I was not alone! *cue heavenly choir*

Since confirming our surprise pregnancy, Taurus Man has insisted that I see a private OB-GYN. The one I see was recommended by one of my other private doctors, and after some extensive research, his recommendation was then backed by her status as one of the top 5 doctors in the country. WOAH. She is obviously very experienced, very nice, and very good at what she does. So what's my problem? From the very beginning of the pregnancy, I was loaded with questions. Questions I'm not allowed to ask and should not be concerned with. From the very beginning, I've been concerned about my anemia and endo affecting the pregnancy. These concerns were waved off as nothing. There are many symptoms involved from both that affect my daily life to great extents. These were the main reasons I constantly needed time off from work and left when I could not get more time off after Taurus Man's heart attack. I was struggling to take care of him, the house, my own health problems, and the drama from both our families. Now we're adding growing a person to that and I'm being told it's NOTHING? Really?

By November I was fainting a few times a week. Why am I fainting? That makes no sense. Because, dear doctor, I have a health problem that makes me prone to fainting. Why am I having palpitations? Why am I constantly out of breath, dizzy, and collapsing everywhere? Why do I have such bad constant pain? Why am I constantly spotting even when I'm on bedrest and not overexerting myself in any way? This doesn't make sense. Gee, doc. I'm sure it's NOTHING. -__- Forget the symptoms of anemia in there, turns out these are ALL (fainting aside) regular symptoms with other endos. I won't elaborate on the other symptoms, but it feels SO damned good to not be alone in this.

Another frustrating thing was one of the doctors first comments when I told her about the endo. "Well you're already pregnant, so just forget about that." Endo does not go away with pregnancy. I've heard symptoms ease up during pregnancy as there is no menstruation, thus no endometrium to shed, and that symptoms ease up dramatically after childbirth. After getting in touch with a family member recently, I was told that my paternal grandmother and some of her sisters had very bad menstrual problems that sounded identical to some of my symptoms, one sister was deemed infertile from these problems early on despite fertility drugs, and for one of them, her symptoms dramatically eased up after her first child. From what I was told, it sounded very much like endo. So for all I know, it's probably been in my family for generations.

All in all though, the health care in this country is ridiculous. It is insanely relieving to have people understand what I'm experiencing and not have people (like my doctor) roll their eyes in exasperation at my symptoms. That's all I have to say really. *breathes a little easier*

Operation: Baby Preparation (Day 56) + Pregnancy Updates

Did you see how much we got done? DID YOU SEE? I checked my lists out of curiosity and surprisingly crossed out a ton of stuff! I forgot to count how many things are now off the list, but seriously, take a look at those babies. Isn't that gorgeous? Just a few things here and there, really. There are a lot more I would like to add to these lists, but at the rate we're going so far, I'm thinking it will be better to finish off these lists and just start new ones afterwards.

I'm pretty sure we've crossed 100 days. I'll have to check my last organization post to edit the title with the exact number, but as always, we've had our set backs. I've gained a whole two pounds since last month, and with that, my regular heel pain has now increased dramatically. There are days where the bone hurts so much I can't put any weight on it, and after walking around on tiptoe, I eventually make the front part of my foot hurt just as bad too. I've also had 5 separate days of bleeding last month, which the doc says is normal as I approach the end of pregnancy, but also means that I'm over-exerting myself and need to rest. I rest as often as I can, and with my latest complaint (the flu) I'm resting, sleeping, and simply sitting idly by as I stare off into space as often as I can. I've also had increasing upper back pain whether I sit, lie down, slouch, or stand straight. I'm pretty sure my super-sized bra-less boobs have something to do with that, but I'm not spending over $500 for a bra that will just last until next month, when I'm supposed to be getting bigger as my boobs get full with milk later on. I'm also pissed at Taurus Man pretty much all the time now. We've finally ordered the material for his TV room and the crib. Basically, the TV room needs to be blocked off so he can move in his electronic widgets, TV, couch etc and then the bedroom can be thoroughly cleaned out and rearranged to make room for the crib. There's a chance he can finish the TV room today and have these newfangled devices out of my face before tomorrow, so fingers crossed! However, as I initially wanted everything done before the third trimester (we're about 30 or 31 weeks - that plan obviously failed lol) I'm now planning to get things done by February. Taurus Man has promised me the crib will be done before the end of this month with the exception of the crib mattress and changing pad (well over $1000 for both). However, like I've said in previous posts, I like to work with plans. I want to know what's being done, when, and how. I like lists, schedules, and drawings detailing what will happen. Taurus Man does not. All of his ideas and plans are in his head, and he can never remember things off the top of his head to paint a picture when I ask. I'm a very visual person, so as much as he tries to describe things, I have no idea what to expect until I see a sketch with dimensions followed by a detailed drawing and written plans. We're definitely butting heads here. I want things done as soon as possible, but I also want Taurus Man to spend time with me before the baby comes and steals all of our time, sleep, money, and sanity. However, if I want to spend time with Taurus Man, I need to be creative and specify what exactly we're going to do. Did I mention I'm the most indecisive person on the planet? Here we butt heads again. To top that off, Taurus Man works on the time he has available from Cancer Grump to use the wood-workshop's tools and whatnot, and that too when he's not feeling super crappy from the side effects from the boatload of pills he has to take for his heart. As far as he's concerned, Superbaby is coming ALL THE WAY in March, so we have more than enough time to get things done and things will just work out, no worries. There we butt heads as well. To go off on a tangent with his heart, he's still not making an effort to try to take better care of his health and AGAIN, decided to buy food and reject my healthy home-cooked food yesterday, which is a normal occurrence. I don't feel well enough to cook every day, so I get beyond pissed for that one. Major head-butting there too.

Regardless of all of that, we still got A LOT done, most of which was done by Taurus Man on his own. Once he's done with his TV room, we'll have even more progress. I'm hoping that while he's in the middle of his construction thingamajigs, I can get to work on finishing the bathroom and kitchen. That depends largely on how I'm feeling, as one minute I'm strong enough to clean the whole house, and two minutes later, I'm scrambling for a chair to collapse on, shaking with exhaustion and gasping for air. Right now my biggest obstacle is the old dining room table. Taurus Man cleaned out all the old cupboards and washed every single dish he found and piled them onto the table for me to sort and pack in the order I wanted. In other words, it's exactly the way he left it lol. Once I pack the dishes away, I can clean down the table and jam it against a wall somewhere to be used as a work surface for my new sewing machine. (Btw, I finally got my embroidery supplies and sewing machine. YAY!)

My first sewing projects will be a dark, heavy curtain to block the light from the window in the TV room, two laundry bags to put in the laundry baskets so they don't need to be scrubbed out as often, shorter curtains for the bedroom and baby area, nursing pajamas, a delivery gown, and hopefully, once the crib is up and I have dimensions to work with, a mosquito net canopy type thing, crib bumpers or bumper covers, and crib sheets. I also planned on making bedsheets for the new king bed as we only bought one bedsheet set (nearly $400!!!), tablecloths, and couch covers, but we'll have to see how that works into our budget. I had planned on spending a total of $1000 behind the sewing machine and cloth, but the machine alone cost $1100 and Taurus Man went out and surprised me with it after I told him to leave the money in our savings because though I've wanted it for so long now, our budget is very tight right now. I have no idea how much cloth will cost as I haven't bought cloth in years, but I'm not expecting it to be too cheap. Still, it will be significantly less expensive than buying these things ready-made.

I'm not expecting much else to get done until I get better. Taurus Man will deal with the TV room, cleaning out the bedroom, and building the crib, but anything more will have to wait until this flu is completely gone as I've been absolutely miserable since getting it and am now mostly completely unwilling to do anything but sleep. Superbaby has resumed all the activities he/she has had going on in my tummy, so that keeps me up and groggy most of the time, as well as the frequent urination that's finally started. Even though I'm sleeping every chance I get, I can only sleep for an hour or two at most, regardless of the time of day/night. Otherwise, compared to the rest of the pregnancy, the third trimester has been absolutely heavenly so far! I wish the entire pregnancy was this easy.

I've also started a few diploma courses online. Thankfully I can study on my time, when and how I please, and the only payment is for the diploma at the end as it's a European site. I'm not sure how much each diploma will cost or if it's even recognized in this country, but it's something to make me feel productive and add to my resume when the baby's old enough to allow me to go back to work. I intend on studying for my degree eventually, but even though I'm a citizen here, I can't qualify for the financial aid here until after July, which will make it three years of residency. I'm not sure how busy I'll be with the baby, and hopefully the diploma courses will be finished close to that time or before the year's end at least, so if not this year's Fall semester, I might start a program next year. The only way I'm signing up for anything is if I can get an online program through the nearby open campus though. With everything that will need tending to at home, plus the baby, I won't have time to go to a school with PEOPLE (I'm terrified of people) and sit in a class and work on group projects and the like. Online with independence is the way I roll lol.

There's still A LOT to be done, and I am seriously hoping (and constantly fretting) for everything to be done in time and still give me time to relax before the baby comes. As of my last appointment, Superbaby is nearly 4lbs, his/her head is measuring a week and a half ahead while the hip to knee measurement is a few days behind, and the doctor has officially told us to look out for a due period from the last week in February to the first week in March. I had a feeling the due dates I got for the middle and end of March were too late and the earlier ones in late February and early March were more closer. It just felt right. Taurus Man finally believes me now that the doctor has confirmed it, but is still looking at March as if it's not as close as I'm feeling it is. I feel like March will be here in the blink of an eye! I still can't believe it's January already.

That's pretty much all we have going on for the moment. As is the norm these days, I need to get some [more] sleep!

Ode to Granny Bras

I will admit, I've always had a thing against granny bras. It's not like I went around abolishing them everywhere I saw them, but they just look so weird and they're so HUGE and I mean, come on, who wears those things? With the start of the new year, my boobs and I have eaten my words. We sincerely apologize to everyone that was offended by the terminology "granny bras". Don't get me wrong, I'll never stop calling them granny bras, but boobies and I want you to know that we appreciate the existence of granny bras so much, they are now almost as important as chocolate. Almost.

I gave up on waiting until the end of pregnancy to buy nursing bras as I haven't worn a bra since the beginning of the second trimester and the weight of my boobs has been giving me increasing back pain. I went everywhere I could think of in this country to look for bras, even sent facebook messages to stores online, and guess what? NOBODY HAD MY FUCKING SIZE. I found one place that fitted me and said I'm now a 32F, but advised me that most stores don't carry sizes that big, especially not nursing bras. So what? Everybody else has hundreds of bras to choose from in different styles and colors, and before, a store might have ONE bra in my size that I would be forced to take for lack of options, and now there are NONE????? So the world totally hates my boobs :(. Ordering online means I can't try them on, and with prices from $50US and up excluding shipping, I'm not willing to take that chance. Fortunately, one place said they'll be relocating and restocking later this month, so fingers crossed like you mean it folks!

I recently found another place in another part of the country that had one nursing bra in my size for double the price of a regular one, but the sales lady wisely suggested that I wait until my boobs are fuller with milk closer to the due date rather than spend so much on  bra and come back to pay that much again. (To put it in perspective, my regular bras are about $200-$300. These nursing bras were over $500 each!) So I was still braless, sagging, and in constant pain. My MIL said she'd never heard of that size before {nobody has :'(}but recently sent a few of her bras with a friend that came on vacation from the states. I looked at these super gigantic granny bras like oh................kay.......... and reluctantly tried them on. The DD cups have no room for growth and the C cups are too small, but the ginormous bands are so big that they don't squeeze my sore ribs at all (because I'm swimming in them). It's not much difference from being bra-less as the bands offer no support, but OMG is it comfortable! :D I love granny bras. Granny bras are my new best friend.

I'm still in a lot of pain, mostly the back of my ribs and the bones by the heels of my feet (a problem I had before pregnancy that has gotten worse), but Taurus Man can't massage me because his thumb is still dislocated and I'm so exhausted all the time now I can't even massage my own feet without feeling like it's a workout. I don't even want to go to my stupid ob-gyn appointment tomorrow. I'll just lie in bed, with my granny bras, and sleep all day until the sore throat monster goes away. Alas, I must go. :( But with my granny bras, I WILL SURVIVE! :)