I've been narrowed down to grilled whole-wheat sandwiches with melted low fat cheese and vegetarian bacon ham. That's all I can put in my stomach without throwing up, spitting up a quart of saliva, or suffering heartburn.
By "put in my stomach" I mean this is what I eat every 2-3 hours to keep morning sickness and fainting spells at bay. All day. Every day. Don't get me wrong - I love these sandwiches - but the memories of Chinese take-out from Brooklyn won't go away.
I lived in Brooklyn for about seven years of my childhood. My family raised me to pee before I left home and hold it in until I got back. We ate our bellies full at home and walked with sandwiches in a backpack so we wouldn't have to buy food on the outside. If the sandwiches didn't full us, we would wait until we got home to eat again.
Where am I going with this? These days every time someone walks out of their house, they run to any fine establishment of their choice for a beverage, snack, or meal. When I was a kid, take-out was a rare treat. Living in a city of unlimited take-out meant nothing to my family. Why the hell not? I dunno. Aliens?
I'm sure my parents had their reasons for raising our family this way. I've certainly realized that as a result of this, every single person I've ever met is ridiculously spoiled and I sadly, am not. Spoiling your kids is wrong, I know, but *weeps* all the take-out was right there the whole damned time!
Prior to this pregnancy, I prided myself on my kitchen skills. I had been told by numerous people that I should get into the food business. I would rather spend all day cooking up a Thanksgiving feast than putting my feet up and hiring a caterer. I actually preferred doing all the work myself.
However, since becoming pregnant, certain pregnancy symptoms have hindered my rad cooking skills. By "certain pregnancy symptoms" I mean all of them. And by "hindered" I mean brought to a screeching halt. I won't get into that now, but to make a long story short, I can't cook for crap now.
"So what?" you ask. Well, my P!nk quoting friend, that means after a lifelong dependency on home-cooked food, I am now forced to depend on the 'outside food' my parents dreaded so much. The same outside food I grew to dread as well.
The thing about this country, however, is that it's somewhat of a tradition for oil, onion, garlic, pepper, and green seasoning to be in almost EVERYTHING being cooked. Even commercially. Some of the very things that now give me heartburn, amp up my nausea, and make me throw up. Hence my dependency on these grilled sandwiches.
But I've been thinking (which, as my closest friends and dear husband will tell you, is never a good thing). I've been thinking about the possibilities of food and beverages that I can actually stomach. And so far, every thought in my head has been about food in New York.
General Tso's Chicken. Mmmmmm.......that juicy, boneless meat crunching in your mouth, smothered in that scrumptious red sauce, daintily decorated with broccoli and served with a portion of white rice. You don't get white rice in restaurants down here. The closest thing to General Tso's is sweet and sour [poorly chopped up and filled with jagged bones] chicken, which tastes nothing like New York's sweet and sour chicken.
Fried baby jumbo shrimp with tartar sauce. Mmmmmmm........those delicious, chewy pieces of shrimp covered in panko breadcrumbs and fried to un-oily perfection, merging with the tartar sauce into an explosion of goodness in your mouth. I don't even think we have fried shrimp down here, much less for jumbo baby shrimp. Plus, down here, everything that's fried tastes like it was fried in oil and then tossed in an oily dish until serving time.
Teriyaki Chicken. Are you freaking kidding me? Bite-sized pieces of perfectly cooked boneless chicken with a taste so good you never want to stop eating? We don't even have Japanese restaurants down here. There's no such thing as Teriyaki Chicken in this God-forsaken country. Damned bitches.
Spare Ribs. Ohhhhh don't get me started. Sure you need extra napkins, a toothbrush, and a shower after this sticky goodness has been smeared all over your face, hands, teeth, and possibly your hair and clothing, but man is it good. The flavor seeps in even to the meat stuck on the bone underneath all that sticky sauce on top. Just pile your plate high and enjoy. What? Do we have that here? *laughs maniacally* No, my friend. This country is so backwards they have yet to learn of such greatness.
Egg rolls. Perfectly shaped finger foods filled with veggies, fried to a golden crisp. These are so un-oily, I always thought they were baked until I saw a recipe for it in my teens. The perfect mix of crunches, perfectly compatible with any dipping sauce. Ohhh yeah. Here? Puh-lease. All we have are spring rolls either wrapped in foil or placed in a food boxes. Either way, the wrapper/box needs to be wrapped in napkins to keep the oil from getting on your clothes. The filling? We're not even sure. Some kind of noodles for sure, and God knows what else.
McDonald's fajitas with sauce packets. Oh dear God. I could have lived on these. Soft fajita skin wrapping the raw veggies inside, blending perfectly with their sauce packets. One bite, and you'd be smitten. And for $1.00? Are you freaking kidding me? We do have McDonald's here. One visit there costs upwards of $100.00 with the currency exchange and all the tax they add. It's way less in US currency, but it doesn't hurt our pockets any less. And fajitas? Ha. Ha. Ha. All they serve are fries and burgers. Fries and fucking burgers.
Empanadas from every other street corner. These people have never even heard of such things. Crunchy pastries filled with meat and sealed and fried right before your very eyes? Sure, you'd taste a little oil, but that filling in that pastry shell? *mouth waters* What do we have down here? Nothing remotely fucking close. Don't even get me started.
Icees and snow-cones every five - ten blocks. Oh what I wouldn't give for either of those things now. Sweet coconut and cherry Italian icees melting in your mouth? Snow cones with condensed milk and more than ten different flavors like that beloved milky mango? Ohhhhh. Well, we actually do have snow cones here. They usually have one syrup to pour over the top, a kola champagne flavored water and sugar based syrup. If you're lucky and you go to the expensive parts of the country (where all the prices are doubled for some reason) you should find a yellow and orange flavor as well. They all taste the fucking same, and the syrup is slurped out in a few straw pulls. There's no such thing as icees down here, just over-priced ice cream. Fucking bitches.
I'll stop now before I make myself so hungry I faint. If you ever find yourself in New York, don't take the food for granted. Please. *cries* There are people starving in underdeveloped countries in the world. Mostly because the food kinda sucks, everything is overpriced, there's no such thing as take-out, deliveries are far and few in-between, and everywhere closes ridiculously early, but still.
Savor that New York food. Taste every morsel and savor it with love. The starving pregnant woman on the other side of the world will still be hungry, but there's no need for you to starve too. Remember, take-out is good. Very good. Now pick up that menu and order some General Tso's chicken with a portion of white rice. You know you want to. *gloomily heads over to make another sandwich*
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